s t r a w b e r r y f i e l d s

언제부턴가, 고의적으로 여자 혹은 비백인 특히 동양 여자가 쓴 책을 골라서 읽기 시작했다.

그게 야나기하라 때문이었는지, 비스무리한 때에 읽기 괴로워하며 겨우 겨우 짜증내며 다 읽어 낸 프란젠 의 purity 때문이었는지

확실치는 않지만.

항상 읽는 중산층 백인 남자 혹은 가족의 그럭저럭 소리가 더 이상 읽기 싫어졌다.

이민진 씨의 파칭코 가 좋았고 모신 하미드의 exit west 도 그랬고 카밀라 샴시의 home fire 도 좋았고 신선한 시선 - 영국의 무슬림들 이야기, 

타야리존스의 an american marriage 는 미국 흑인이 쓴, 미국 흑인의 이야기 

그런 새로운 이야기들이 읽고 싶었고

감성을 자극하는 - 뭔가를 격하게 느끼게 해주는 책들에 굶주렸고 그걸 탐했다.

더 이상 별 거 아닌 책들은 읽고 싶지 않다는.

one hundred years of dirt - rick morton 

normal people - sally rooney

the natural way of things - charlotte wood

the children act - ian mcewan 

something i've been meaning to tell you - alice munro

the boat - nam le

a simple favour - darcey bell

fleishman is in trouble - taffy brodesser-akner

putney - sofka zinovieff

on earth we're briefly gorgeous - ocean vuong

the weekend - charlotte wood

Jan

- the favourite: just excellent. amazing trio of women. olivia's queen anne was especially someone i felt all kinds of emotion for. so funny. so tightly well made. the scene between emma stone and her boy fight-flirting in the trees was exhilarating and fun. so so good.

Feb 

- on the basis of sex: why is felicity jones so compelling to watch? good generic watch i guess.

Mar

- can you ever forgive me?: meh.? overrated?

- widows: enjoyed it. satisfying ending.

Apr

- burning: enjoyed it, if not a little over-long and a little too resolved. ambiguity everywhere, gratuitous boobs and masturbation scenes, but steven yeun has never looked so good.

May

- avengers: endgame: could've been 30 mins shorter (cut the boring first 30mins), why is the new zen hulk still so hot, cannot believe people cry at comic book movies, excellent comic turn for chris hemsworth/ thor and wow it was cool/fun to see some of the cameo-esque bit stars

- long shot: reviews were good, so i had expected more. charlize sure is conventionally beautiful but almost mean looking, very very thin, and yeah the ending and the usual romcom grand gesture trope was um urg

- spider-man: into the spider-verse: i don't love animation but this was a fun good romp.

- if beale st could talk: incredibly sad but mood was perfect, the romance of it at the core was beautiful.

- eighth grade: you could feel her every awkward feeling, everything felt authentic and real. 

Jun

- parasite: amazing. exhilarating.

- always be my maybe: i love ali wong, what can i say? the two leads didn't have much sexual chemistry but i will watch anything with her in it.

Sep

- the farewell: surprisingly, quietly, moving. exceeded expectations. the score was great also and striking. understated but not boring, just the very perfect level of emotional energy. 

Nov

- knives out: a lot of fun. good ensemble cast. plot clever and lovely cast of characters.

pachinko - minjin lee

villain - shuichi yoshida

exit west - mohsin hamid

annihilation - jeff vandermeer 

authority - jeff vandermeer

acceptance - jeff vandermeer

my absolute darling - gabriel tallent 

an american marriage - tayari jones 

home fire - kamila shamsie 

killing commendatore - murakami haruki 

the dry - jane harper

Jan 

- three billboards outside ebbing missouri: how simplistic, as if one man is changed just by a letter? abbie cornish was miscast, stuck out like a sore thumb. where is my resolution/sense of closure? yes frances macdormand is awesome but i already knew that. the only cathartic bits were perhaps the excessive and free swearing coming from franny mostly. 

- the shape of water: it was perfection. so gorgeous. my heart was full. sally hawkins was just amazing. the aesthetic, the mood, the loving tender moments - oh if you had a loved one, to share this would be something special. 

- call me by your name: i had read the book and enjoyed it. it is that coming of age, young love, story. set in beautiful northern italy, in a lazy summer, where the young and beautiful fall in love and lust. it was familiar, but also endearing and gorgeous and made me long for that feeling of falling freshly and madly in love again. 

- all the money in the world: i went in expecting very little. too much a morality tale re: the callousness of the ridiculously wealthy. michelle williams's accent was distracting, mark wahlberg's role was completely redundant. the main draw for me was (despite her accent) michelle williams and the still incredibly beautiful romain duris whose face i missed and couldn't get enough of. 

Feb

- lady bird: gorgeous. loved saoirse, LOVED laurie metcalf. their relationship was so reminiscent of my own with my mum. the fact that it wasn't all happy and perfect, it felt so real and authentic. it made me wanna become friends with greta gerwig.

- black panther: the excitement i felt about this movie was visceral; a new type of superhero movie, featuring a near all-black cast... perhaps in the end it didn't quite fully match the hype, and there were still some of the usual superhero movie tropes, but overall it was enjoyable, never boring, and full of inspirational female characters, and gorgeous men. michael b jordan you're something *heart eyes*

- game night: fun? jason bateman plays the same role over and over again. it's always good to see rachael mcadams doing comedy. 

Apr

- a quiet place: more jumpy and grotesque than scary. good for a 'horror' type movie since i don't enjoy them generally. can't get enough of emily blunt.

May

- avengers infinity war: oh how convenient! just re-cast the minor characters with 2 lines per movie? so cartoonish, so many effects, yet talking so seriously... but the funny bits were funny esp guardians of galaxy guys coz they at least know not to be serious at all. 

- death of stalin: hilarious. 

Jun

- ocean's 8: i wanted it to be great. it was okay. as per one critic, it was a very quiet movie. lacking excitement. lacking that pizzazz. something not quite great - more than 2% lacking, very much by the book procedural. even the last 'twist' was all a bit meh. sad really coz i wanted it so badly to be good. more rihanna, more kaling, more awkwafina, more SOMETHING. less gaping plot holes. 

- i, tonya: watchable. entertaining.

- phantom thread: surprisingly watchable, captivating, intriguing storytelling. the quirks of daniel day lewis's character. the beautiful fashion, the oddity of his sister. the somewhat annoying but also identifiable character of the mistress whose need to be needed came at me hard despite the mild psychopathy. i really enjoyed this actually. 

- goodbye christopher robin: what a cutie the child actor was. not sure i was particularly enamoured by domhnall gleeson but overall i enjoyed the sweet family drama. 

Sep

- crazy rich asians

Nov

- a star is born: i wanted badly to watch it on first watching the trailer. when finally i did, i cried twice. first when she gets called up in front of the huge crowd, her moment of discovery so to speak, i was so overwhelmed with joy for her, my heart felt like it'd burst and i cried with a visceral response. then of course at the end. how can you not cry. the second half was a bit meh, a little cliched, but no matter, it was an experience. 

- shoplifters: this stayed with me for ages. the slow reveal, that everyone was a little of both - kind and loving but also opportunistic and not truly entirely altruistic either. it made me want to watch all of rest of kore-eda's work. such a beautiful, well made film. 

Dec

- sorry to bother you: was this... a slightly worse Get Out 2? i get the (not so subtle) messaging, and the surrealism, trying to be innovative... but idk it still felt a little not quite there, a little rusty or amateurish. if there were no horse-sapiens it'd'v'e been a true dud. 

purity - jonathan franzen

the wonder - emma donoghue

mere christianity - cs lewis

웬만해선 아무렇지 않다 - 이기호 

the handmaid's tale - margaret atwood

lincoln in the bardo - george saunders

silence once begun - jesse ball 

men without women - murakami haruki

the group - mary maccarthy 

plainsong - kent haruf

the glass castle - jeannette walls 

what happened - hillary rodham clinton

venus envy - l. jon wertheim

call me by your name - andre aciman

January-

la la land

edge of seventeen

February-

hidden figures

March-

Moonlight 

April- 

Ghost in the Shell

May-

Get Out

June- 

Wonder Woman

July-

Baby Driver

August-

The Big Sick

War for the Planet of the Apes 

September-

Battle of the Sexes

December-

The Disaster Artist

The Florida Project