-

even when a person is showering me with genuine affection and love and kindness

more so than i've felt in such a long time,

there are things that push me to the edge of despair

that suck any joy out of me

any desire to go on living 

for what is it worth anyway

more pain than not

more sadness than not

more regret more bitterness more imperfections more unpleasantness

.