s t r a w b e r r y f i e l d s

friends, lovers, strangers.

mutual follows, constant likes and replies, DMs, expanding into different medium, real life meets, real life lovers, less and less interaction online, mutual mutes, unfollows, blocks 

friends, lovers, nothing.

'wish the last year never had been'

i wrote.

only because.

i loved for a year,

i thought i was loved,

felt lovable, for once

then when love leaves

it's just another reminder

no i'm not lovable at all

not worth loving

not worth keeping

it was just a fantasy

a passing game

a lie, if you will.

i get sick of crying,

i was almost over him,

the tears had become sparser,

then i fell back again, coz i still missed him, and just got sick of feeling sad 

so i went back to him, we embraced, i hoped we could fix things,

we were good for a week and a half

came another weekend apart,

and he did the same old thing

ignoring me, letting me fester in my rage and loneliness

i couldn't understand why he would do it again and again

why i had to keep forgiving him again and again

for committing the same crime to me over and over

does he not know or does he not care

i couldn't tolerate it 

when he asked 'what should i do'

i told him, change, don't be like this, don't hurt me this way

and if you can't, it won't ever change.

he replied well we better quit then

he was a disappointment, from the beginning to the end.

he was so ready to give in, give up, 

because changing for me would be too much work

he never had the faith in us

i guess it didn't mean that much to him afterall.

love, what a foolish idea

what a fantasy, such shortlived delusion

just a whole lot of crap.

so i never wanna see his stupid face again.

i can't let him be like that to me.

i won't let it. i deserve better.