s t r a w b e r r y f i e l d s

if i remember only the good things -

- all the loving words he uttered, his eyes steadily fixed on me, the way we touched -

then it makes me miss him too much,

and soon it turn to anger and sadness, that none of those things lasted,

that his love if it ever was died so soon anyway, that it was all useless in the end, might as well never have happened,

because love without future love without persistence love that evaporates what use is there ?

i wish i could have the whole chunk of my memory just erased,

that he had never existed,

coz you can't crave for something you never had or lost.

daily reminder: he doesn't love you anymore.

have a cry because

his love only lasted such a short time

it was probably not love at all,

you are not worthy of it

you were never lovable anyway

you are bound to be alone forever.

배가 꾸룩 꾸룩 아팠던 하루 내내.

저녁은 금식하기로 했다.

살도 쪘는데, 이렇게 배 아프고 장염 기가 있을때 금식하지 언제 하겠냐...

그리고 전기 장판을 틀고 일찍 (지금 시각 저녁 아홉시) 침대로 들어간다.

주말에 아이튠스 카드를 새로 사서 책을 구입한 후 남은 거의 25불 갑자기 아이튠스 부자 된 기분이다

그 기분으로 음악 쇼핑 중.

오랜만에 한국 사람들 음악, 브로콜리너마저, 가을방학, 옥상달빛, 로지피피 등

찾고 있다.

가슴 속 깊이 들어와 위로 해줄, 아니면 울게 해 줄, 그런 소리를 찾는다.