uncertainty

it's been a stressful few weeks, thinking about the future, future of my work.

hospital work is set, no foreseeable changes, unless i have a life altering event (you know what that means).

this other side, the other half, it's coming to an impasse. 

i will no longer have to stay at this particular place, with this particular pay or conditions, and may be able to leave, venture out to greener pastures - for better pay, or conditions, but with that comes the uncertainty, and my fear of change. i have been happy at my workplace, with my coworkers, how things operate on the day to day, for years now, to suddenly think that will change - i am not a creature who loves change afterall. but i also do not want to keep being taken advantage of, being paid a subpar rate, the way it has run for years. so this has meant a lot of hours of internal anxiety thinking how can i navigate this - and just now i finally pressed send to that email, outlining my demands so to speak, countering their measly shitty offer with my own much grander numbers, hoping it lands. the truth is, i have options elsewhere. we are in demand. i will have a job to go to somewhere out there. i have to be bold, and ask for things. risk being tossed if it comes to that. accept that and move on. 

 

now, close that mail app, don't look again til next week. 

i have a week off, to recuperate physically and to plan a new future, hopefully.