here is the question,
do i, once i give birth, suddenly automatically change fundamentally inside, that i become selfless and everything i do for the child without any ego or conflict?
or will it be a conscious battle to be more altruistic for the child, a constant battle with my own selfishness?
does the fact that i've lived in such a selfish way for this many years makes it more or less likely that i will be able to be consumed by the love and care for another? because i'd been so set in my ways (harder) or would i be more willing to let myself go because i've had enough of self-interest? hard to say.
i really hope it is easy, that my life is changed, but not only externally but intrinsically, so that i can love and serve and care for another without anger or anxiety.
