perpetual purgatory

why am i not testing positive, even after having been next to the same positive person at the wedding?

even after spending the next 24 hours in intimate contact w spouse, who ended up testing positive <48hrs after that shared exposure?

even after abandoning strict quarantine and literally french kissing him that night and having slept in the same bed every night since? 

it's now been 5 days since initial exposure to the person, and 4 days of only half hearted quarantining off of my infected spouse.

 

do i have some sort of super immunity - or maybe i had it in the recent past without knowing, and have some recent antibodies - or a super long incubation period?

 

i am no longer entirely asymptomatic. i have a little scratchy throat, a little cough, but that could all be just nothing i suppose. i don't know but the purgatory, the not knowing, not exactly knowing what to do about work - what with its financial and social consequences - it's killing me. 

the house is a mess - we only have a two bedder afterall. he is in the main bedroom isolating, i am (trying) sleeping on the couch, my clothes/fresh underthings are in the living room, it's all such a grotesque sight. 

 

it's not like when i was taking time off for ivf, where i could do whatever i liked, the peace and quiet - there is chaos in the physical world around me, there is sickness in the room mere metres away, and the uncertainty, the not knowing where my body is at, where it is going, it is driving me crazy. i can't concentrate and achieve tasks.