i have a bitch face.

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how did i miss it?
jason mraz's acoustic number, 'i won't give up'...
i guess i know how in that i don't listen to radio or anything but...
at least i've discovered it now.


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people are hard work.
i avoid people, i don't really 'like' people, because they take too much from me, they suck the life out of me.
they are hard work.
i care too much, and i'd rather not care at all.


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the bitch face is once again coming into full effect,
as my supervisor told me today to tell him any of my concerns because,
'you don't look happy'.
what can i do, i just never apparently look very happy.
old habits die hard.
same words, different people.
same old face, same old expressions or the lack thereof.
as my folks say, i know the thing to do is to consciously plaster that fake smile on, but it's hard.
too fucking hard sometimes.


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last night i didn't get to sleep til something like 5 am, it was crazy.
i blame my usual night owling ways, also the heat.
read a little of a sample of 'we need to talk about kevin' (still debating whether to buy the full book or not; the sample was good but not sure if i am ready to handle this somewhat dry and unusually themed - at least for now, in that it deals with a parent's lack of love and a fundamentally sociopathic/unlovable child  - piece of writing), thought - daydreamed, even - about that cute and very sweet radiographer with the doe eyes, and fell into a very shallow sleep from which i awoke near midday.
this way i've been sleeping, it's unhealthy.