how to disappear

reading hankang's 'greek lessons', and wishing i could stop speaking,

wishing i could stop eating

stop everything

and become so small

as to disappear

 

i asked a stupid question, and he did not answer

he evaded, repeating 'i've told you before'

did you know, that's a triggering phrase?

that is what one person had said to me, when asked if they loved me still

you might as well be telling me outright

no i do not love you and never have and now i have to say these inane words because i cannot say those exact words out loud

 

it makes you doubt it all

and it makes me empty of words

i have nothing more to say to you