.

it's been almost a year that we've been communicating; primarily about our shared interest, with very little else thrown in occasionally, to reveal small tidbits about ourselves - emphasis on Very Little and Small -

i know very little about them (there it goes again with the Very Little), and yet as things like this can become, what with flirtations here and there, it's all gone a little out of hand in my head.

so much so that when they pay no attention to me for just a day, i feel mildly saddened and ignored - like a fucking idiot honestly.

throughout the day today i'd been thinking about whether to just take the plunge and ask them - 

then the show tonight, where they talked about some catfishing story, that kinda got me down, like maybe this was a sign, 

a sign of negative things to come.

and so i purposefully put shackles on, protective guard against my heart if you will, so i won't see them.

i need to disengage my emotions, this addiction, 

because it's all a fantasy.

and i of all people know that fantasy is without fail always better than reality.

reality can only disappoint.