-

is this the beginning of an end?

this sense of emptiness at having achieved something which i did not expect to achieve,

perhaps something i don't know for certain that i deserve,

the feeling is difficult to shake.

went back to old home hospital, saw the familiar faces - some of whom were exceptionally welcoming with bright smiles and warm words,

couldn't complain, i was nearly awestruck, but again that niggling feeling remained -

do i deserve this? are they just faking it while underneath they still have no real respect for me?

or am i just a screwed up person for even entertaining this notion?

it's a sweltering day here. the unbearable, near suffocating heat.

i will be back to where i need to be by tonight, it is the beginning of an end. for by saturday i will be back at the thing called work.

may be that is all there is to it. the dread setting in.

one fears what one doesn't know, the future, the unseen.