it begins like this,

waking in the morning becomes a complete chore,

no amount of sun or warmth can wake me

i lay there in the bed like a log, as if nothing could ever wake me from this deep sleep

as if i were in an alice hoffman novel with some disturbing sleep disease.

the aggression builds, so that without thinking i find myself lightly punching friends and even not-quite-friends work colleagues or fellow study group member because i just cannot help myself and the aggressive energy needs a way out of my body.

insidiously it starts. 

i start to write to someone - anyone - really nobody at all - but i cannot continue i cannot even type a single word to begin to describe how i am feeling without it becoming a depressing sob email that no-one is gonna be happy to read. the phrase that keeps repeating itself in my head is not waving but drowning... once a blue moon one starts to feel it start all over again.